Have a little faith...

It’s a quiet night in Jerusalem as I sit here writing this post.  I’m on my porch, letting the evening breeze wash over me and erase the stresses of ulpan and cantillation homework.  The sun is setting, and it’s absolutely beautiful. However, even amidst the seemingly peaceful evening, I know there is a lot of turmoil and pain that is happening right now.  There have been over 80 rocket attacks in the last day or so, and several people have been killed.  We just got a text message from our head of Student Services saying that there is a security alert out for Jerusalem, so to avoid crowded places or public transportation.  It’s amazing to me that I can be sitting quietly on my porch watching the sunset with so much chaos not so far away.  Israel is a strong country, and I have no doubt that I am safe here.  It is my first time being in Israel during such an attack, however, so it is still a bit scary.  I see how my professors and staff of HUC react, and I see their pain and frustration.  I see their anger with the terrorists, who kill innocent people at the expense of a much larger political goal, and I see the hope that this will blow over and relative calm will resume again.  I also see the incredible trust that many of my teachers have in God.  This morning, my ulpan teacher said that her daughter is entering the army on Monday, and that one of the busses that was bombed near Eilat is the one that she will need to take to her base every day.  We asked if she was scared for her daughter, and she said: “it’s in God’s hands.”  My teacher is a pretty religious woman, but it was still striking to hear her say that.  It got me thinking about faith, and faith in God.

 A few weeks ago, one of the faculty at HUC gave a dvar Torah at services that really resonated with me.  He spoke of Moses, and how in the parshah where God tells him that he is not able to go into the land of Israel, his response is “Shema Yisrael Adonai Eloheinu Adonai Echad.”  (Hear o’Israel, Adonai is our God Adonai is One.”)  Even in the midst of profound disappointment and suffering, Moses responded with words of faith.  There is something really beautiful about that, about truly believing that no matter how hard things get or how unjust life may seem sometimes, having faith in God can help.

 As a Reform rabbinical student, I recognize that the whole God thing may be hard for some people to swallow.  I personally believe in God, but in a different way than what is written in the Torah.  I don’t think God is a person or a being that is sitting up in the sky dictating what happens to people and as it is said on Yom Kippur “who shall live and who shall die.”  Rather, to me God is an energy that exists to help people get the strength to heal themselves, to get through life’s obstacles, and to feel a sense of community and connection to other people and to themselves. 

I think prayer is an excellent vessel for this.   Abraham Joshua Heschel wrote: “Prayer may not bring water to a parched field, nor mend a broken bridge, nor rebuild a ruined city. But prayer can water an arid soul, mend a broken heart, rebuild a weakened will.”  When I pray, I am not praying for God to fix something in my life or to give me something, rather I am asking for the strength and courage to get through whatever is difficult for me, and the ability to recognize and not take for granted my many blessings   Not everyone connects with prayer or has faith in God, and that’s okay.  Having faith in something, anything, can be enough to give people the strength to persevere when they need it most.  It could be faith in community, faith in family, or faith in themselves.  It’s been pretty clear these last few days that my teachers have an enormous amount of faith in their country, in their army, and in their community to get through the violence and truly bring meaning to the phrase “nation shall not lift up sword against nation, they shall never again study war.” (Isaiah 2:4)

Tisha B'av: A Day of Mourning For the Sake of Mourning

Hello everyone!   I apologize for the delay in posting, but it’s been a busy few weeks with exams and lots of homework, leaving little time for blogging.  However, I wanted to update you all on what has been happening this week!  Tuesday was Tisha B’av (the ninth day of the Hebrew month of Av), a Jewish holiday commemorating the destruction of the beit hamikdash, or Temple.  The Temple was destroyed twice, once in 586 BCE and again in 70 CE.  The idea behind the Temple is complicated, but basically it was a place for Jews to offer sacrifices to God, and only certain people (priests and people from the tribes of Levi or Cohen) where allowed in the inner sanctums of the building.  As a modern Reform Jew, the Temple doesn’t stir up much emotion for me as a structure, mostly because the destruction really gave way to the idea that there didn’t need to be only one place to pray or connect to God.  It also ended the ritual sacrifices, which in my opinion, is a good thing.  I’m pretty sure I would drop out of rabbinical school if I had to sacrifice a lamb every week.  No thank you.  Also, once the temple was destroyed, the idea of a Rabbi really came to fruition.  It also allowed people to individually connect with God and not only have to do it via a priest or someone from a more important tribe.  However, I do recognize that the idea is not just that we are mourning the destruction of the physical structure of the Temple, but rather the destruction and violation of the Jewish people’s right and ability to practice their religion.  In that respect, I find the holiday meaningful.  Tisha B’av in Jerusalem is interesting, mostly because it is Jerusalem, and everything is interesting here.  On erev (the night before) Tisha B’av HUC took us to this monastery that was just outside of Tel Aviv.  There is a kibbutz nearby that does a lot of collaboration with this particular monastery, and they were having a joint Tisha B’av concert/service.  There were nuns from the monastery in attendance, as well as Jews from both the kibbutz and other progressive congregations around Israel.  (Progressive Judaism is basically the equivalent of the Reform movement in America, but in Israel it’s referred to as “progressive Judaism.”  More on that in another post.)  The concert was beautiful for the most part, the songs were mostly in Hebrew (some were in Ladino and Yiddish as well) and the cantor who sang them had a nice voice.  However, for some reason she just kept singing song after song after song, and it didn’t really appear to be any end in sight!  I found the evening relatively spiritual towards the beginning, and being in this ancient place with all these incredibly interesting and diverse people really touched me, but after the 10^th song, I was starting to check out a little.  Most of my classmates were getting a little glassy eyed towards the end as well, so I know I wasn’t the only one!  The next day we went to Pardes, which is an organization that runs summer and year long study programs for people from all over the world.  They had a special Tisha B’av program with lots of different study sessions all day.  I went to one that was very interesting and meaningful.  The session was called “Cosmic Crack—Personal Pain, Kabbalistic Insights.”  It was divided into two parts with two writing exercises.  The first was to write a list of all the events in our lives that were destructive that we had played a part in.  Then, we discussed in small groups what we had written down.  It was pretty powerful to hear what other people had thought of, and while I was hesitant to share at first, it felt really good to get it out.  The second exercise was to write down a list of events in our lives that were destructive, but that had become somehow hopeful or more positive over time.  We shared these as well, which was equally as powerful.  The main point of the program was that Tisha B’av is a different kind of mourning day.  We are not mourning in order to ask for forgiveness or repent like on Yom Kippur, rather we are just mourning to mourn.  It’s a day to be sad both for the things that we had played a part in destroying, and also things that were out of our control.  However, as the day goes on and we get closer to the end, we start to change our perspective a little and look towards the future and the positive aspects of our lives.  This is especially evident in the way we pray throughout the day.  In the morning service, people traditionally don’t wear tallitot or tefillin because wearing a tallit symbolizes being embraced by God and that’s not something that Jews are feeling during Tisha B’av.  Teffilin are made of leather, and are a sign of luxury and wealth, which is something that, like on Yom Kippur, many Jews chose to avoid during the day of mourning.  However, at the afternoon service, people do wear their tallit and their teffilin, showing a distinct shift from the earlier part of the day.  There is a sense that life continues, that even when there is horrible destruction, you can’t stop living your life in a productive way.  While I personally struggle with the more traditional reasoning behind the holiday of Tisha B’av, after the session at Pardes I feel much more connected to the holiday.  I learned a lot and will absolutely appreciate it much more next year.